Using Child Development To Raise A Healthy Business
by Gabriella-Grace Cause Australia, 2020
When we give birth to a child, we prepare and learn so that we can give the child a good start in life. We draw on all of the things we know, and everything we have experienced so far, and we reach out to those we trust to help us when we are unsure. We continue this journey of learning and personal growth throughout the life of our child or children, and if we take care of ourselves while we are at it, we do all this with love, dedication, devotion, and pride. Our business needs the same care, and we can use child development models to birth and raise a business into maturity.
The stages of development are not only literal but also metaphorical. Facing our mortality is something most people do after the age of 65 but not everyone. I personally had been through every one of these stages before I was 50 years old. I had gone through stages 1-6 by the age of 7 and then I faced death at that tender young age. I went through stages 7&8 and then went through all the stages again, before facing death again at age 15 and I’ve been through them again a lot more than once since then too.
Every time a major change or an experience occurs that we feel traumatised by, changing everything in it’s wake, we actually enter a new cycle and stage of development. These times can feel like utter destruction and leave us wondering how on earth we will ever get back up and try again. Many business owners know the grief of a failed business (stage 8 – death) or having our whole worldview change and feeling that we simply must walk away no matter how much we love the business and wish we could stay.
Life has natural stages and so do we and if we at least become aware of these stages, we can work the knowledge in to whatever plan we are making for our business. We can also think bigger - for instance, although I gained business knowledge from industry stalwarts and other owners, I also consulted child rearing books and am always looking for the parallels between raising a child and raising a business. As the old masculine business model changes in the world, a new feminine and more maternal model is emerging, and we need to combine them in healthy, and aware ways if we want our businesses to thrive. Many will not survive the shift, but many will grow up in their place too and it is the natural order of things in this world. Change is constant and necessary, for us as individuals and for businesses as well.
Erikson’s Stages of Child Development
Stage One 0-18 months Trust vs. Mistrust
Stage Two 18-36 months Autonomy vs. Shame & Doubt
Stage Three 3-5 years Initiative vs. Guilt
Stage Four 5-13 years Industry vs. Inferiority
Stage Five 13-21 years Identity vs, Role Confusion
Stage Six 21-39 years Intimacy vs. Isolation
Stage Seven 40-65 years Generativity vs. Stagnation
Stage Eight 65 and older Ego Integrity vs. Despair
Applying this to business:
When we apply these Child Developmental stages to business, it can take many shapes, as we clearly may not see our business reach 65 years of age! There are also times when our business will be at one stage and we ourselves will be at another. Everything is energy and even a business has its own energy body, just like we do. Knowing very little about energy or chakras doesn’t have to be a problem if you connect with who you are and what your own experiences of life have taught and brought to you.
We all have memories of things we wish we could forget but what if it was these very things that would help the most in being able to ‘parent’ yourself and your business into a bright, abundant future? Your business can and will, provide you with a virtual ecosystem to work through issues you may not even be aware you have. Just as children are our greatest teachers in life, so too is business. In business we will project ourselves onto our business and our clients, we will be the reflection that our clients need us to be also and often that will produce sparks. Being a business owner is leadership, even if you are the only person in your business, and leaders are ‘activators’. Life shines a little bit more brightly through business owners because they are creating, using the energy of life to bring something else to life. You will draw others to you like moths to a flame and they will teach you how to lead effectively, willingly, consciously, and unconsciously, just by being themselves. That’s what business is for, to shape tomorrow’s leaders.
Just like childbirth, starting a business is going to change your life in bigger, better, more amazing ways and you can learn how to support yourself through that change by getting support.
Learn why you need support at all:
It is said that it takes a community to raise a child and that includes a ‘business-child’. Just like any new parent who welcomes a child into their lives can tell you, support is essential to making it through such a challenging, exciting, scary, busy, wonderful, and heart-opening time. Exhaustion, fear, doubt, grief, anger, isolation, lack of self-care, inexperience, arrogance, lack of resources and financial strain can all play a part in those early days and without support, it can be terrifying. With a little prior planning, you can gather support from a few different people or places to help get you through the toughest times until you see the inner rainbow that will help you guide you further.
Create a support network:
A support network using this example would consider not only people but also educational courses and institutions, books and audio books, technology, videos, networks, podcasts, apps, exercises, faith systems, and more, to create a ‘web’ or a ‘tapestry’ of health and wellness on every level - including physically, mentally, psychologically, physiologically, spiritually, academically, energetically, financially, and so on. It is not always necessary to get a Degree or a Masters in a subject to know it well and excel, but it can help to explore other ways of looking at what we intuitively know and gaining insight from other people or from other models of business, much like the way I have written about here. I have not met anyone else who applied Erikson’s theory to business, but it felt right to me at the time, so I went with it (successfully) and blended it into a very palatable ‘smoothie’ with other things I have learned about throughout my life, living and working in varied places and fields of employment.
Trust who you are and what you have learned from your own life experience:
While you might feel confident going in, owning a business can erode that confidence at times and it can help to be able to trust yourself, to know who you are and to stand firm in that when things feel shaky. Some people feel overly confident going in and then fall flat at some point but that is normal too and being able to trust who you are and what you know of yourself will still create a solid base to come back to if needed at any time along the way.
BACK TO BASICS:
One of the things that has been the most helpful to me in life and in business, has been the awareness and ability to go back to basics. Sometimes life provides ‘crashes’ or we can find ourselves in situations that we may not have answers for. I find these times the perfect chance to ‘go back to basics’ and start again in some way, e.g. I might be working on an important document on my laptop or phone and suddenly the page disappears, a random app opens, the phone rings, and my hubby calls out that we have to leave in 5 minutes to go out and work for 6 hours. I used to freak out and get anxious but now I know to simply ‘reset’ – to stop everything and breathe – deeply and slowly. Breath is the most basic of all functions and it’s amazing how easily and perfectly it can reset an entire day! Once I’ve taken a breath, I remember to shut down the computer or phone and tell myself I can come back to this some other time. I close the random app and visit the restroom, grab some water, and my lunch to go, and go to work. It takes less than 5 minutes and I feel good about it. I once worked in an office where the internet and technology only worked spasmodically at best and as frustrating as it was at the time, it really taught me a lot about letting go of things that don’t matter, coming back later and using the time in other ways. It’s astounding how much more I get done this way too.
Eriksons Stages applied to business.
Stage One - Trust vs. Mistrust
A business in it’s infancy must have someone to care for it’s basic needs and be able to trust that it’s needs will be met. This is the foundational stage which will prepare the business for all of the other stages. When the business experiences change or setbacks, as all businesses must. A firm foundation will ensure greater resilience and flexibility giving the business a better chance of survival and continuance. At Stage One the business needs at least one consistent, warm and loving caregiver that it can rely in symbiosis (what happens to the owner, happens to the business, and what happens to the business, happens to the owner). Most businesses need you to micro-control things, to know every nuance and breath of the infant business as it hums along recognising it’s own energy and leaves you to worry about the details. Essentially, your business is creating it’s roots and it needs you to ground it into being. This is where the business in in Survival mode and you are acting instinctively to get it started. While that can have it’s benefits, it’s not advisable permanently or long term. Establishing a health Base Chakra for your business will make a big difference to how your business performs and grows.
Stage Two - Autonomy vs. Shame & Doubt
Now that the Survival mode of Base Chakra operations have passed, creativity can kick in and the Sex Chakra of the business can expand, ensuring the life force really ignites and permeates the entire energy body. A business needs to be able to function by now on it’s own at the most basic of levels. Homeostasis like this includes having systems in place to ensure this, like having some kind of accounting or bookkeeping system in place, basic legals, a clear mission and vision, a tagline, a personality of it’s own, and the business still needs at least one consistent warm and loving caregiver that it can rely on to keep it running, even if only in the background. Constantly comparing your business to others is not constructive and can be destructive so if you want to compare, schedule time to do that and then only do it at the scheduled time, preferably not more than 1 hour per week. Outside that hour, resist all urges to compare and allow your business to take shape as itself. If you find this is too hard, you might help your business by looking at your own need to compare, win, control, doubt, fear, etc. Look at your feelings and see how you are projecting them onto your business so you can separate the business form you. While symbiosis is important in Stage One, you and your business need some autonomy through individuation here. It’s actually not all about you, it’s about your business and making it about you will eventually hobble and perhaps even destroy your business. This is where it is vital to work out how to have fun in your business, inject joy into what you’re doing and be in the joy of having such a wonderful opportunity as being your own boss.
Stage Three - Initiative vs. Guilt
The next stage sees the healthy development of the Navel Chakra where attachments are formed and a sense of belonging can develop. Now the business begins to grow and expand naturally and some owners may feel challenged by the change in energy at this stage. It’s normal here to feel as if you’re losing control of your ‘baby’ and your own energy can change with the fear that evokes. Take the opportunity to step back occasionally and allow the business to experience a few days here and there without you micro-managing. This is a good stage to hire staff if money allows and you are wanting to expand. Once you hire the staff, it’s up to you to ensure these ‘babysitters’ have been adequately trained to hear the song of your business. No matter what qualifications or experience they may already have, they do not know your business and throwing them in at the deep end to sink or swim is not always ideal for your business. Reschedule the things you think are important, and spend the time making sure the business is getting it’s needs met properly and with care. Running off to your next meeting and leaving everyone to get acquainted can create issues with the energy body of the business and your staff that you will then have to fix later. If you take the time form the beginning, you will save time money, and heartache down the track. Remember, the business depends of you as a parent, not your staff, they are only babysitters and they will never care for it the same way you do in the early days, if at all. This Child is your responsibility so be there for it in whatever way you can and see that it’s needs are met.
Stage Four - Industry vs. Inferiority
The Solar Plexus Chakra of the business shines like the Sun and it begins to assert it’s presence in the community. Your business is becoming self-ware here, it has friends and respect, it has an energy body that is bouncy and bright, it has confidence and pizzaz, and people want to engage with it. Unless it’s lacking energy in the first three Chakras and then it will be struggling by now. The business wants what you want, it wants to succeed and create abundance, to be considered as valuable and taken seriously. It can feel inferior and it needs to be industrious to keep it’s energy moving. Recognise too though that it also needs to learn, as you do, how to navigate mistakes, troughs, storms, and floods. Things happen sometimes to teach us what we most need to know and we can support our business through this if we support ourselves through it and remember, the business is only really an extension and reflection of us. The business is doing the best it can with what it’s got and so are you. Keep it real and be compassionate when you can, nothing is perfect and your business needs to be authentic, not perfect. With the framework you have provided so far, things like policies, legislation, training, communication, and openness, will have the effect of holding your business safe while it assets itself and any power imbalances that show up will most likely be smoothed out quickly if you have prepared as planned in the preceding stages.
Stage Five - Identity vs, Role Confusion
In the Heart Chakra, compassion, empathy, forgiveness, devotion, and love can spring forth, propelling you and your business into more socially responsible engagement and may even drive the business in a totally different direction to the one you first envisioned before the business came into being. It’s a time for dreams, new visioning, expansion, and growth. You may lose staff or your role may change dramatically as you are called to do something different and this is where it’s time for you to trust the foundations you yourself have laid and the staff you have around you. Your business needs you to do more for it form a distance now and start dreaming more of a future, letting go of the past and even the right now and letting others carry it while you start thinking bigger. During this stage it is not uncommon for your business (and yourself) to undergo an identity crisis. Any change in energy has the potential to create this kind of crisis but this stage most of all because the business now has an ‘ego’ and so do you. This ‘ego’ is like a cloak of social conditioning and causes you to resist change, new ideas, new vision, new directions. This is when we go into behaviours borne of fear. We don’t want our baby to grow up without us but as all children, there comes a time of separation and it must come. The business will survive your stepping back a little if you trust all the work you have already done, trust the staff you handpicked and trained, and trust your business. The heart of your business is healthy and strong with your parenting so learn to let go a little at least and look at your own fears. Take responsibility for not living vicariously through this amazing little entity you created and let it find it’s wings in it’s own way. You may be pleasantly surprised at how well it does, and be prepared for your ego to react to it doing well too. Once your own ego sees that the business does not actually need you to wipe it’s nose and attend all it’s meetings, you will experience a few inner tantrums and some grief. Learn to parent yourself through this too, it’s normal and expected when you love your business as much as you do.
Stage Six - Intimacy vs. Isolation
Here the energy moves into the Throat Chakra of the business and details begin to dominate or fall away. Does the business communicate itself clearly and healthily, or is it in need of a tuneup. How is your publicity, advertising, how does your business present itself to the world? While it’s really helpful for everyone on board to speak their own language, when selling the business, a common goal needs to be conveyed in order to support the creation of a ‘funnel’ to bring people to the business. This may even be the time to enter into partnerships to support the longer term vision of your business, or increase revenue. Perhaps it’s time to secure board members, or patrons. How much has your business grown now? What does it need at this stage? It’;s not a baby anymore, it has very different needs form hat it did back in stage one. Now it needs you to guide, not manage. You should have stepped right back by now and handed over all but the most important tasks to others. This is the time for you to enjoy the fruits of your labour – take a holiday, spend more time with your grandkids or friends, even consider starting another business if you’ve been wanting to. Just step back out of the way and be available if needed. If you don’t honour this stage, how do you think the business will ever survive and flourish after you are gone? Now is the time to let your business learn to thrive without you for it’s own sake, and yours.
Stage Seven - Generativity vs. Stagnation
Here in the Ajna Chakra of your business lies the greatest risk of explosion or implosion since the first days of operation. Back then, you were driven to succeed, prepared to do whatever it takes to get the business up and running. You would have done anything and learned whatever you had to in order to make it a success. Now the biggest challenge is your own ego – it’s Your business, Your baby, and you want to feel like all of Your hard work has been worth something. You don’t just want it to make money, you want it to be your legacy, your gift to the world. You want to know for yourself that You made a difference in this word through Your business. It’s all about You, You, You and what You want. The business will usually suffer here if you have not been paying attention to your own needs during all of the other stages. The trick here is to remember that you are still doing the best can and don’t beat up on yourself for getting egoic. This is a normal stage of development and it happens to us all. What the business needs form you is your focus to be on the big picture. If you want a legacy, ensure all of the systems are actually in place and being used. Check that your staff know what is expected of them and adhere to policy and law. A huge lawsuit or breech of legislation is not going to help Your legacy when You’re gone. If the business can’t run smoothly without you being involved every day by now, ask yourself why. Your business is productive, dynamic, vibrant, popular, and stable, then you have create a wonderful legacy and need to acknowledge that. Any other reaction by you is your issue and not that of your business or staff, work on you and be aware if you are meddling or being rejective because neither of these will help your business nor you.
Stage Eight - Ego Integrity vs. Despair
This is a reflective stage where we tend to look back like fond grandparents on the life and times of the business. The Crown Chakra of the business is opening and a spiritual aspect is entering the mix. We feel either fearful for, or at peace with what we have created along the way. If we have projected all of our feelings onto and into the business and avoided working on the issues as they presented, now is the time they will surface. If we have been projecting, we will now start blaming for the lack we perceive in our selves, our life and our business. This is how we can tell we have work to do on ourselves and, our business will reflect it back to show us it needs work. If we have parented ourselves adequately, our business will reflect back peace and stability in all areas and we will feel like we have accomplished all we set out to achieve. We can be proud of it all and our business now has an integrity that only stable, authentic businesses can have. These kinds of businesses do not spring up like weeds, ever. They are parented by astute, and caring owners who recognise the business as their own child and raise it accordingly. The business owner who has allowed the needs of their own ego to project onto their business will have it reflected back to them and will feel despair over the future of their business and how it will possibly cope without them when they are gone. The truth is, we can’t control what happens when we leave or die so if we want it to be some kind of legacy, we need to ensure early on (from stage one) that it is.
There is much more to explore here and I will be adding to it as I learn more myself. I hope you have found something in this for you to support you in creating more space for your business and for you in your business, in your own unique and incredible way.
Much love
Gabriella-Grace